Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My son at 6:05 today. “Mommy, I have a question. How do museums get all their stuff?”
— Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) April 25, 2021
NO ONE RUNS FASTER THEN A TODDLER HOLDING SOMETHING THEY SHOULDN’T😬😬😬😬
— ang🌻🌸🌻🌸 (@totally_not_ang) April 27, 2021
when my four year old asked “mommy does a snowman have 3 balls?” I realized my biggest problem is im just not, nor will i ever be, mature enough to have kids
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 26, 2021
can someone explain why a moms first instinct is to catch vomit how does this help us evolve as a species
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 26, 2021
I keep getting asked about this, yes I got vaccinated and YES I’m breastfeeding. Instead of crying my child now makes the windows 95 chime sound but other than that she experienced no symptoms.
— The Delilah Spirit (@flyChy) April 28, 2021
Kids really dump all the toys on the floor and then just walk away.
— Clint Smith (@ClintSmithIII) April 29, 2021
13 just put on deodorant without being told so he must have a girlfriend now
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) April 29, 2021
6yo: chicken is good for you. but not so good for the chicken
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 27, 2021
😳
“It’s DAYYYYYTIMMMMMME!!!” my son at 6 am this morning
— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) April 29, 2021
when people say “I have two awesome kids” I always wonder how many they have total
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 27, 2021
Portrait of a baby no longer interested in taking naps pic.twitter.com/UOepaJkNqU
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 26, 2021
Kids always wanna be playing games until you tell their asses to go play.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) April 28, 2021
None of the parenting books prepared me for my teen asking me what “the carpet matches the drapes” means.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 26, 2021
Hi, I'm a parent. You may remember me from such greats as "Repeating Myself" and "Arguing over Shoes" and "Stepping on Cereal."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 29, 2021
11yo came to me with some nitty gritty sex questions tonight and as I was answering them 9yo waltzed in and said, "I know what you're talking about and I'm not embarrassed. I'm going to get a period and it's going to make me moody but guess what? I'm already moody so who cares?"
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) April 29, 2021
What parenting books don’t teach you is that your child can simply look at objects and make them feel sticky
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 29, 2021
kids have two brains.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 29, 2021
the 1st brain is like a chimp. it lasts for 20 seconds. memories stored here are directions, instructions and chores
the 2nd is like an elephant. it never forgets. memories stored here are promises of food, trips, presents and video game stories
Am I a perfect parent? No. But do I wake up everyday at 6 AM with the intention of being the perfect parent? Yes. And do I fail at this everyday by 6:23 AM? Also yes.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 25, 2021
My 4 year old was trying to tell us a scary story the other night and she ended it with:
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) April 28, 2021
“And they were DEAD...for the rest of their lives!!!”
🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes you have to mention the run up in lumber prices in front of a bunch of rival dads just to make sure they know that you know.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 25, 2021
Kid just pulled finger guns on me and I yelled, “don’t shoot,” and he got sad and said, “they aren’t loaded my mom won’t let me load them”
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) April 28, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. The word “poop” now appears on your glass shower door when it fogs up.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 29, 2021
4 year old was in the bath and he saw a razor and asked what it was so I told him it’s mummy’s so she can shave her really thick curly beard and I can’t wait for him to tell all his friends
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 28, 2021
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Before You Go
